The Truth About Breaking Up

Tony
6 min readAug 3, 2022

I broke up from a long-distance relationship last week, and now I feel only confusion inside. A part of me feels like a jerk for promising to be with someone forever when I can’t, and it’s not true. But, at the same time, it’s a relief to move on instead of drifting nowhere.

In hindsight, I should have noticed all the red flags that it wouldn’t work. I never thought that having a long distanced relationship was this difficult. When you’re apart from someone by over 2,000 miles, you can feel the distance not only in miles but in your heart. That distance is so hard to mend with texting and pictures alone.

When I had to raise the concern of breaking up with her was, in truth, the most challenging part. However, I don’t have any regrets about meeting her or about what we had together. Also, she pushed me to improve in many ways, and the long-distance relationship was a good lesson. The relationship taught me so much.

Sorry and Goodbye

Honesty is hard, but not being truthful with another person is the hardest. I learned that being straightforward saves both parties time and heartache. Also, having honesty won’t leave the other person wondering what they did wrong or space for doubt.

It doesn’t take away all the pain, grief, and loss of breaking up with someone. It’s tough. Although, I knew there were no more ways to work around it. And it still makes me feel guilty and in agony after telling her. But when you take the time to try to explain, it is better than the impoliteness of ghosting someone.

In addition, it would be crueler to stay with someone you’re not in love with and can’t give her your whole heart. And I knew that she was someone that deserved my kindness and not my lies. So it would be uncaring to her if I stayed because I was afraid to do the right thing for both of us.

A clean breakup will make your life better than a bad relationship. It seems so callous and cold-hearted to write breakups as such, but for me, this is the truth. I considered for an entire week as I decided how I felt about the two of us. And I realized that breakups are an opportunity to lead that other person to the love of their dreams. In particular, when you know deep down, you don’t feel the same.

Bad Mistakes or Grateful Lessons

In the past, I was in too many disappointing relationships that left me with doubts about dating. So if you were to ask me deep inside, I was afraid to love because it also means pain and doubt. Since with every perfect love, there are also many misses and broken strides.

Relationships aren’t perfect because people aren’t perfect. In the past, I wanted to avoid the possibility of mistakes in love. But I realize you can’t skip any chapters in life, the good or bad experiences. They are all lessons you need to learn in life, so you must read every word and meet every character.

At last, in this relationship, I saw that I was staying not because I loved her. Instead, despite the words I told her, I realized I remained because I was afraid to be alone again. And you have a lot of loneliness exasperated by separation in long-distance relationships. But, most importantly, you feel helpless and alone if anything happens to the other person. And with an underlying uncertainty that, bit by bit, kills the long-distance relationship.

But your partner is a free soul, you don’t own each other, and they’re not an object to fill for a lack. On this note, I learned that a relationship is a two-person thing. Both parties need to strive together to foster the relationship. You earn a beautiful relationship by giving attention and devoting time day by day. It doesn’t work if one partner can’t give themselves and take time out to invest in the relationship.

You can’t make excuses for not treating your partner as equal to other priorities like your kid or work. And if you can’t make that investment for someone, you’re living on borrowed time. Relationships are a commitment and investment. That’s what love is. You give your presence and time to make the other person feel special. Without that, you’re treating them as a mere possession to complete your emptiness. Then they deserve to go somewhere else where they can find their happiness.

A Beginning and End

There were a lot of moments that I noticed in hindsight that showed how we weren’t compatible. I was too blind and thought you could work around it. But a good relationship should be like the sound of a beautiful new song. It has a rhythm that grasps your heart, and words connect to you from deep within, unforgettable.

Relationships are like finding that beautiful song that attracts you right away. So you can’t make yourself fall in love with an unmeaningful piece of music, no matter how many times you listen to it. Even if it has potential, the lack of connection would only cause distance and loneliness in time. It is a lesson to learn that dating isn’t all about attraction. You also need to listen for that immediate connection.

I once read a quote, “The most painful thing in the world is to have someone you love lied to you.” I don’t know if it is true or not. But even with a broken hope, I learned new lessons from the past. The past is not a mistake. Instead, it teaches us how to better love and appreciate the people we will meet in the future.

So I will gather my courage again even if I’m unsure if the future is a hit or miss. I am here on Earth on a short stay for the connection and to have fun. So I will smile again to live this life to my fullest moment by moment and leave behind a glimpsing memory. And pray that time will heal away all pain and scars.

The end may not be a disappointing ending. It could also be an unexpected beginning to something new. The invisible pull of destiny may draw us to another new chapter in the story.

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